Four years ago today, I was marrying the love of my life. It was a night to remember and a day that I will never forget. Many events took place, but the one I remember and will forever, is the fact that I lost my wedding ring on my wedding day. Oh, what a story. And we finally found it months later, after we went and bought another one. And four years ago today, was a day that started another chapter.
I would have never guessed that my life story would have had so many chapters. So many good, bad, and tragic chapters. But that is the way our book has been written. It's my life, our life. We didn't have the power to write everything ourselves, but we have had the chance to read it all.
Although Brian and I have been married today for four years, we have been together for eleven. If someone would have asked me eleven years ago what our life story would look like, I would have never thought it would have looked like it does.
Don't get me wrong, we are happy. We love each other and care about each other. But there are some chapters in our story that just shouldn't be there. If we could tear out the pages and start the chapter again, it would be nice.
At the same time, there are other chapters of the book that are just too short. One chapter ended without a proper ending. A few others started but never got any where. And countless others, just don't make sense.
Everyone has a book full of chapters. Some happy, some sad, some tragic. Some complete, some not so. Regardless, the chapters are put together to form a story. A story of love, of marriage, of family, of friendship, of trust, of life.
Our story, though not what we planned, is our story. It is not someone else's story, but it is our very own life story. One that will be ours forever! One that we will live to its fullest to ensure we have a happily ever after.
Our Family
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Mirror of Life
Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you. ~ Wally Amos
Before Brian and I lost our son, Wyatt, my life was nothing but chaotic. Between work, family, friends, our house and daily routines, every single second of the entire day was consumed. There wasn't much time to just enjoy each other.
Prior to getting married in 2006, the Catholic church required Brian and I to attend a marriage class. I remember during one of the sessions, the instructor was discussing the fact that once two become one, it becomes tough to divide your time. He said "you will need to divide your time between both of your families, all of your friends, both of your jobs, and after that is complete you will both want to spend time with each other." I remember sitting in the class and thinking, I will never run out of time to spend with Brian. I will always put Brian first.
Over the past few months, I have realized that our marriage class instructor was so right. Sadly, up until the loss of our son, we didn't spend the "right" amount of time with each other. The time we did spend with each other was spent the wrong way. We were rushed. Everything was rushed. Conversations, dinners, weekends, and life.
We even tired to rush a family. After 26 months of trying to conceive on our own and with medications, we finally resorted to IVF. It worked. But in the end, God took our life plans back into his control. You see, we tired to take control of our lives and make our family happen, but God decided it wasn't the right time. We rushed life again, but this time we were corrected for it.
Over the past few months, I have learned that life isn't about rushing. It isn't about pleasing everyone or getting everything that you want when you want it. No, it is about enjoying every single moment. Taking time to enjoy life around you. And understanding your life plan that you have no control over as it was prepared for you before birth.
I suppose I never saw patience in myself prior to our loss. I don't believe I ever saw as much strength in myself either. I never saw the beauty of life nor did I ever understand the importance of balancing my time. Over the past three months, I have developed a great deal of patience and strength. I was sadly introduced to the beauty of life in a way that no parent should ever have to be introduced. I was able to learn more about myselfand this all led me to understand the "mirror of life".
Mr. Amos is correct. Life is mearly a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside you.
Before Brian and I lost our son, Wyatt, my life was nothing but chaotic. Between work, family, friends, our house and daily routines, every single second of the entire day was consumed. There wasn't much time to just enjoy each other.
Prior to getting married in 2006, the Catholic church required Brian and I to attend a marriage class. I remember during one of the sessions, the instructor was discussing the fact that once two become one, it becomes tough to divide your time. He said "you will need to divide your time between both of your families, all of your friends, both of your jobs, and after that is complete you will both want to spend time with each other." I remember sitting in the class and thinking, I will never run out of time to spend with Brian. I will always put Brian first.
Over the past few months, I have realized that our marriage class instructor was so right. Sadly, up until the loss of our son, we didn't spend the "right" amount of time with each other. The time we did spend with each other was spent the wrong way. We were rushed. Everything was rushed. Conversations, dinners, weekends, and life.
We even tired to rush a family. After 26 months of trying to conceive on our own and with medications, we finally resorted to IVF. It worked. But in the end, God took our life plans back into his control. You see, we tired to take control of our lives and make our family happen, but God decided it wasn't the right time. We rushed life again, but this time we were corrected for it.
Over the past few months, I have learned that life isn't about rushing. It isn't about pleasing everyone or getting everything that you want when you want it. No, it is about enjoying every single moment. Taking time to enjoy life around you. And understanding your life plan that you have no control over as it was prepared for you before birth.
I suppose I never saw patience in myself prior to our loss. I don't believe I ever saw as much strength in myself either. I never saw the beauty of life nor did I ever understand the importance of balancing my time. Over the past three months, I have developed a great deal of patience and strength. I was sadly introduced to the beauty of life in a way that no parent should ever have to be introduced. I was able to learn more about myselfand this all led me to understand the "mirror of life".
Mr. Amos is correct. Life is mearly a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside you.
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