Dreamality

Ever have a dream that when you wake up you wish you hadn't?  Or that you honestly felt like you were really there, in your dream?  A dreamality, I like to call it.  Part dream, part reality.

I had one of those this morning.  I say this morning because I had already woken up several times in the middle of the night with my little one.  This dream was so real to the point that when I woke up I had to tell myself it was only a dream.  I don't plan on going into the details of this dream.  Mainly because the details are like most dreams after you wake up, they are very blurred.  But I recall the overall dream and it was just WEIRD. 

It was a dream that had me asking why I even had it.  It was one that brought the past to the present.  In a strange way I wanted to go back to sleep to see how it ended, but I just couldn't fall back to sleep.  I was so awake from the awkwardness of the situation that there was no way I could go back into a sound sleep to pick up with this dream.  It is definitely better not knowing the end of it anyways because what I saw I probably shouldn't have seen at all. 

Like I said past brought to the present, something that shouldn't be done.. EVER. 

There have been a lot of moments of the past year and a half when I wish I could go back to the days before finding out something was wrong with our first son's heart.  There have been days when I have wanted to have my entire family here with me.  Many times I think about how life could have been different if different doors were opened and others shut.  But these are merely wishes, not reality, for the reality is our family will never be fully together.  Our first son had to return home because if he didn't he would be living a life of pain.  And as for doors being opened and shut, do we really have full control over them or are the set for us before we exist? 

My dream this morning felt more like a reality and I can honestly say that I awoke feeling blessed for everything that I have been given, the choices I have made, and the family that I have with me and up above.