I have classified today as one in which someone is out to get me. I
have decided to come back to the house and not go out until much later
today. I don't know what it is, but it appears that everything is
working against me today. Over the past three months, many days seem to
fall into this same category of "Are You Serious" days.
After
a lack of sleep night, thanks to two boys who decided it would be
better to sleep with me then in their beds, I decided to roll out of bed
at 7:00. Did I want to get up? No. But as I laid there contemplating
sleep or waking up, I realized my 13 week old was starring at me and he
would start screaming in a matter of seconds. After realizing the two
year old was still snuggled in bed and snoring, I quickly jumped to my
feet, scooped the baby up, and jolted out to the living room. Clearly
allowing the 2 year old to sleep was a much bigger priority then that of
my own sleep.
After a failed attempt at trying to get
my youngest back to sleep, I placed him in his swing and went to make
my coffee. While standing there waiting for the "Mommy must make it
through this day" drink to brew, I started going over my imaginary to do
list in my head. Cause lets face it, it takes too much time to write a
to do list, right? Christmas decorations, wash, vacuum, more wash,
take out the 6 month clothing (cause yes, my son is huge), even more
wash... It was then that I do believe I said "crap" out loud. I
realized that at 12:15 I was supposed to do a meet with two girls to
pick up some clothing. I thought to myself quickly and then changed my
plans. You see, prior to kids, I could have done my entire to do list
and still been on time to meet the girls at 12:15. However, with kids, I
am lucky to just make it to the 12:15 meet on time. Realizing I didn't
have cash, I conjured up a plan that allowed me to leave the house at
11:30. I would be able to hit the ATM for cash, drive thru Dunkin
Donuts to get donuts and change (must have exact change to pay for items
because no one carries cash anymore), and still meet the girls on time
at 12:15.
So, I started...
I walked to
the bathroom to get in the shower, but I didn't even make it half way.
Instead, I was greeted in the hallway by a crying little boy who's only
objective is to have me hold him. Twenty minutes later, he wanted "yum
yums". Eventually, after putting in a DVD, fixing breakfast, finding
his "boom boom", and changing his socks (don't even ask), I was finally
able to take myself to the bathroom to get a shower. Once in the
shower, I heard a crying voice yell "Mommy". I peaked out from behind
the shower curtain only to be yelled at because he couldn't get his toy
gun to work. As I washed my hair, I explained I would fix it after I
dried off, and I finish showering. I was able to fix the gun quickly
then move on to start my hair. I tried to entertain the 13 week old by
making silly faces and funny noises, while bouncing his chair with my
foot and using the hair dryer in one hand and a round brush in the
other. After an hour of trying to take a shower and do my hair, I went
to get dressed. I realized that my clothes were in the dryer because I
hadn't had a chance to fold and put them away yesterday. As I went to
get them, the baby started crying. It was time for him to eat. I
rolled my eyes and sat on the chair. I fed the baby, yes, while only
wearing a bra and underwear because it was just easier that way. I
finally made it to the dryer and got dressed.
Next step.... get the kids to the car because by now it was already 11:00.
Of
course, the baby had just fallen asleep in his swing only after I spent
30 minutes trying to get him to go to sleep in my arms. I gently
picked him up and moved him to his car seat. He did remain asleep, I
smiled and thought to myself "one point for me". Then my attention was
turned to my oldest. After asking him to get his boots several times, I
finally found the shoes that were closest to me. I went to put them on
him and he freaked out and screamed "boots". Oh dear lord, if he would
have just gotten them when I asked. We found them and put them on.
Then I did my checklist... jackets - check, hat - check, juice - check,
diaper bag - check, kids - check. Into the car we went. Now for
whatever reason, the oldest decided it was a great time to throw a fit
screaming "Daddy, Daddy". After explaining that Daddy was at work and
consoling the baby (cause what do you know, big brother woke him up), we
finally pull out of the driveway. I thought to myself, if someone was
watching us they probably find themselves asking "how in the world does
it take someone 20 minutes to leave the driveway after getting into the
car?". Clearly that person has no kids.
I pulled out
of the driveway only to realize that our trash can was still full at
the end of the drive. I questioned myself "today is Friday, right?" and
continued on.
 |
| My still full trash can |
Off to the bank we went. "Is it okay to
leave your kids in the car to run into the inside ATM at the bank?" was
the question I called my Mom to ask. Any sane person knows that you
are to never leave a child in the car. But that said, who in the hell
puts an ATM
inside the bank? A man! It was 12 degrees today,
both kids were in the car, and one was back to sleep... I was not taking
them out just to get $40.00 from the machine. After I decided I would
take the keys out and lock the doors, since the car was only going to be
a few feet from the ATM (which was housed
indoors by glass
windows), we made it to the bank. That's when I saw the damn white sign
which read "ATM temporarily out of service". I kid you not! All that
planning and it didn't even work. After sighing, I find my wallet and
start unloading the kids who not even 10 minutes ago I loaded into the
car.
We walked into the bank. I had to ask for a
checking account withdrawal slip because what do you know, they didn't
have any out at the counter to fill out and my checkbook was fresh out.
I filled the slip out, handed it to the lady, and while I waited the
two year old spotted the lollipops. Now, we had just gone to the bank
yesterday and I had three pops in the car. I gave him a pop from the
counter, got my cash, and off we went. Or so I thought. Instead, we
had to have yet another melt down. With a bright red cherry pop in his
hand, my two year old cried out "another". I explained I had more pops
in the car, but that didn't work. As the infant seat swung from my
arm like a fashionable Coach purse, my hands held the cash and my
wallet, and I used my foot to direct my son to the door. After standing
in front of the door and not moving, I gently nudge him out of the way
and opened the door. We headed to the car only to get stopped by the
old man who was trying to park next to my car. I walked over to the
other side and put the two year old into the car. I then realized that
the old man had parked so close to my car that now he couldn't even open
his door. "Stupid old man. So much for putting the baby in", I
thought to myself. I stood there for a moment and realized that I
needed to take the title of Mom to a new level. I quickly became
flexible and pulled out my super hero cape. I lifted the infant seat up
and over the toddler seat while pulling my body into the car and placed
the seat into the base. "Shew, that was 5 minutes in the gym", I
laughed to myself. After yet another fight with the two year old, he
gets belted into his seat and I into mine.
 |
| Pops in car |
Our next
stop was Dunkin Donut's drive-thru to break a $20 bill and get coffee
(muchly needed) and donuts.
 |
| Only a Mom would have a sippy cup and coffee in the same location |
We met the first girl and then waited on
the second. Upon arrival of the second girl, I asked if the amount was
$15, she responded with "No, it was $12 but I am only going to charge
you $10 since the one shirt is the wrong size." "Great", I thought to
myself. I had gone out of my way to get exact change and it wasn't even
right!
On our way home the car fell silent. I looked
back and both kids had fallen asleep. "Awesome!", I thought. Then I
realized I had to get them into the house.
 |
| Sleeping kids!!! |
As I started creating my
plan for this impossible task, I noticed we where going so slow. The
truck in front of me was going 35 in a 50. Argh! Nothing like being
able to see your house and imagining what it would be like to enjoy just
five minute of quite time there but being stuck behind
THE.SLOWEST.MAN.ON.EARTH.
 |
| Super slow jerk! |
Finally making it back home, I again questioned the day of the week again as I realized for the second time that the trash was still not picked up.
I
moved my items from the car to the house. In the process, I noticed
the Thomas remote that we searched for all day yesterday was in the
pocket of my bag. "I swear I looked there", I mumbled to myself.
 |
| Missing Thomas remote - yes, I did check here yesterday!! |
I
then started my quest of getting the kids in the house while keeping
them asleep. It actually worked! Both kids were sleeping soundly ....
for about two minutes. "Nope, I can't even get five minutes!!!", I
wanted to cry. I picked the baby up out of his car seat, nursed him,
and back to sleep he went. Ahhh!!! Silence.
Fifteen minutes went by....
Then
I heard this horrible sound, like nails on a chalkboard. It was
getting closer and louder. "Are you f'ing serious?!", I thought.
"There isn't even snow on the damn road!" It was a plow truck. And not
just once did he go by... nope. In a matter of one minute he went down
and back. Yep, my silence was over. The two year old started... but
wait, he fell back to sleep. Ahhh!!!
More silence.
THEN
THE DAMN PHONE RANG. It was officially over. The silence gone. I
looked at the clock and realized that it was only 12:45. "12:45?", I
thought. "I have only lived half of this day? I guess it is just one
of those days!"
